Words have a direct impact on the formation of a child's identity.
By labeling children, for example, as "lazy" or "smart", we may be doing them a disservice. We may even see ourselves as benevolent architects of their future, but we may unwittingly be holding them back.
There is a delicate balance between supporting or helping a child to grow up and condemning them. It is vital that we reflect on whether our words build bridges or barriers for the children who hear them.
In psychology, the term labeling refers to the process by which people classify or describe the identity of people who deviate significantly from what is considered normal or appropriate.
Some experts define it as the attribution of qualities to a particular subject, which are used to describe or identify them. In this sense, when we use labels, we are implicitly judging the extent to which a person deviates from or adheres to social expectations.
The impact on child development
Most experts believe that there are two types of labels: positive and negative.
Regarding the latter, some studies claim that persistent negative evaluations of a child's performance by the authority figures around them can influence the child's perception of themselves.
If we get into the habit of telling a child "you're so slow!" or "you're always wrong!", it will be very difficult to change that perception of themselves in later stages of development.
These expectations can have an impact on behavior and personality, negatively affecting the child's self-esteem and self-perception, which can lead to a feeling of inferiority.
Positive labels can be just as bad. Psychologist Jonathan Secanella says that when children are labeled for their achievements - saying, for example, "you did well on that test because you're smart" - we associate a child's intrinsic value with their performance. This can lead them to believe that a drop in performance means a corresponding drop in their value as a person.
It is therefore a mistake to think that frequently giving children or students positive labels helps to boost their self-esteem. Studies have shown that parents' beliefs, which influence the labels they give their children, have an impact on the development of emotional recognition skills in childhood.
A child who is used to thinking that they get good grades at school because they are smart, for example, can end up being afraid of failing and more prone to frustration and overexertion.
So how can we convey the message that something has been done well or that we consider an action or behavior praiseworthy? The key is to associate labels with the process rather than the result, especially in academic contexts. We can, for example, show our satisfaction with the degree of involvement or effort in a child's work, rather than the grade obtained.
Educate or stigmatize?
Although several studies show that separating students according to their abilities could provide them with a more personalized and therefore more effective education, some experts believe that this leads to stigmatization, rejection and ridicule from peers and, in turn, isolation and alienation.
Labels have the power to define what an individual will become. They have a direct impact on our beliefs about our abilities, which means that an individual, once labeled, will expect the same result from themselves in similar situations.
Self-fulfilling prophecies like this are common in both children and adults: the words "everyone says I'm bad at math, so I already know I won't get this" can be uttered by a child in math class or an adult dealing with a tax return.
The role of authority figures
In psychology, the Pygmalion effect refers to the potential influence that the beliefs of one individual - often a teacher, parent or leader - can have on the performance of another. This phenomenon can be observed when repeated labels are internalized, crystallizing into a reality that becomes taken for granted.
Experts have discovered a link between the labeling of children and the Pygmalion effect, showing that there is a high probability of adult expectations becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.
This can generate a kind of feedback loop: if a child's behavior or decisions are based on external judgments about who they are, they will end up confirming and reinforcing them. These judgments then come to govern the child's self-perception and, in turn, their expectations of their own future behavior.
What to say and what not to say
It is possible, and indeed positive, to resist categorizing children by their characteristics or abilities. We can do this by keeping in mind the impact our words can have and learning to address children's problems through communication and timely positive reinforcement.
For example, a youngster may have difficulty keeping their personal belongings and their space organized. Instead of saying "you're so messy", we can offer to help him organize or tidy up, or say something like "try tidying your room, I'm sure you can do it, but let me know if you need help".
Statements like "you're special to me" can also highlight a person's unique value beyond any specific achievements.
If we want to tell a child that they are good at a certain task without rewarding mere obedience, we can say something like "I love the effort you made to finish that" or "I saw you sharing toys with your friend, that was nice of you".
Instead of saying "you're talented", we could say "I see you like drawing. Would you like to try new techniques or colors?"
It's important to note that praise and positive reinforcement should come at the exact moment the action takes place: by giving immediate recognition, we reinforce the link between a behavior and its positive response. In this way, the praise or reward is linked to the action itself and not to the child's identity, personality or intrinsic value.
